I have never been as supremely bored as I am with the Loren Feldman v. Shel Israel non-drama. I would rather watch public service announcements. We CAN come together as a community to put an end to the madness. I implore you:

• Don’t post updates on Twitter about this
• Ignore the endless succession of blog posts analyzing the situation and advising the players on what to do
• Unfollow and unfriend people who won’t shut up about this

Take back your social networks! Don’t waste another moment! Admit it, no one really cares!

Loren Feldman, Shel Israel, yawn, zzzzzz 1 comment

If you know anything about rickrolling, then you’ve heard enough of Rick Astley’s “Never Gonna Give You Up” in the past week, which is I guess the point of rickrolling. A number of people have been proposing alternative tunes for rickrolling, so I thought I would offer my nominations for the:

Rickrolling Top 20 Hall of Shame

• Come On Eileen - Dexy’s Midnight Runners

If there were no Rick Astley we would have Dexyrolling.

• Macarena - Los Del Rio

• Who Let The Dogs Out - Baha Men

Please put the dogs back in before someone gets hurt.

• Walking on Sunshine - Katrina and the Waves

I walked on something and it doesn’t smell like sunshine.

• Milkshake - Kellis

It tastes more like that non-dairy stuff they have at Foster’s Freeze.

• Yamo Be There – Michael McDonald

What in God’s name is he saying? “Heavenly father watching us all. We take from each other and give nothing at all. Well it’s a dog-gone shame..” Oh.

• Horse With No Name – America

These lyrics were not so much written as culled from a night of first-grade Mad Libs.

• Girl You Know It’s True - Milli Vanilli

• Wake Me Up Before You Go Go – Wham

Sneaking quietly out the door.

• Do You Really Want to Hurt Me - Culture Club

• Love Plus One - Haircut 100

• Muskrat Love - The Captain and Tenille

• Hey There, Delilah - Plain White T’s

• The Sign – Ace of Base

• Small World Theme (It’s a Small World After All) - Walt Disney Productions

• We Built This City on Rock and Roll – Jefferson Starship

Yes, but apparently without the proper permits.

• How Am I Supposed to Live Without You? – Michael Bolton

“No-talent ass clown” of Office Space fame

• Billy Ray Cyrus Achy Breaky Heart

• Conga - Miami Sound Machine

• You’re Beautiful - James Blunt

In a special category are the narrative rickrolling tunes, with lengthy, often nauseating stories, sometimes interpreted endlessly by musicologists. Seriously, don’t bother.

• Cat’s in the Cradle - Harry Chapin

• American Pie – Don McClean

• Hotel California - The Eagles

• Stairway to Heaven – Led Zeppelin

Please add your nominations below, and dispute these freely.

rickrolling 5 comments

Back when I had my crappy Motorola Razr, its only redeeming characteristic was its awesome ringtone, the one on Chev Chelios’ (Jason Statham) phone in the movie Crank.

I got an iPhone in December, and I’ve been missing that ringtone, but thanks to a hint from a friend on Facebook I found out that you can make ringtones in GarageBand. All you have to do is drag an mp3 into a GarageBand project, save it, and then under the “Share” menu, select “Send ringtone to iTunes.”

Hear Crank ringtone: here

And if you want it, here’s the ringtone in iPhone format.

crank ringtone, crank ringtone.m4r, garageband, iphone, m4r No comments

Ostensibly bitter rivals Loren Feldman, of 1938 Media, and Shel Israel, co-author of Naked Conversations, tied the knot last night in a private, discreet ceremony at Las Vegas’s famed Candlelight Wedding Chapel. The two had been staging a fight on Twitter, and on their respective blogs, but insiders say this ruse was a stunt designed to stimulate blog traffic, improving the search engine ranking for both parties.

“It’s been so hard to carry on my anti-Shel campaign with a straight face while I have had the hugest ‘man crush’ on Shel,” said Feldman, when reached on his Nokia N95 “Smart Phone.” “He’s just so damn cute. What can I say? I have never been happier!”

The ceremony was attended only by the two men’s families and close friends. They will be honeymooning in St’ Bart’s, and returning to the San Francisco Bay Area to form a new joint venture, “Israel 1948 Communications.”

1938 Media, Las Vegas, Loren Feldman, Naked Conversations, Shel Israel, wedding ceremony 1 comment